


i tried to hold these secrets inside me

by dreamer89



Series: slytherin goals [5]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Compliant, Friendship, Gen, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Hogwarts Inter-House Friendships, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Personal Growth, Platonic Relationships, Post-War, Slytherin Pride, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-25 00:34:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22127089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamer89/pseuds/dreamer89
Summary: In the spring 1999 term, Head Girl Ginny Weasley unexpectedly connects with two of her former enemies.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy & Ginny Weasley, Draco Malfoy & Pansy Parkinson, Pansy Parkinson & Ginny Weasley
Series: slytherin goals [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1601380
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36





	i tried to hold these secrets inside me

**Author's Note:**

> this piece ties into my larger work (hold me in this wild, wild world), but it can be read separately.

**Spring term, 1999**

Ginny reluctantly approached the Slytherin table at dinner. She knew that accepting the position of Head Girl meant she would have to interact with all of the students, but she tried to avoid the older Slytherins as much as possible.

“Parkinson, McGonagall asked me to give this to you, said it’s important. The Ministry owled it over today.”

Pansy looked at the letter with an uncharacteristic amount of anxiety and dread, but quickly ripped it open.

Ginny was already walking away when the sound of breaking china made her jump. She turned back to see that Pansy had sent her plate crashing to the floor and was now backed against the wall, hands at the back of her head. Then she realised everyone was looking at her, and started gasping for breath.

Draco approached her cautiously, trying to maintain a calm voice, explaining to her that she was having a panic attack. He positioned himself to shield her from everyone else while she focused on regulating her breathing. 

Ginny strode over to the pair. “Let’s get out of here,” she said. “You don’t need loads of people doing nothing but staring and gossiping.” She had certainly been there before. 

After standing outside for a few minutes, Pansy was able to talk again.

“A-Avery confessed to all the Wizengamot charges, except mine. He’s saying that I-that I wanted it. So they, they won’t prosecute unless I a-agree to t-testify.” Pansy sniffled. “I don’t think I can do that,” she whispered. Then she started sobbing, and before Ginny realised what she was doing, she embraced the girl.

Draco’s jaw was clenched in anger. “Fuck him. This shouldn’t be your responsibility.” Then he used some more colorful language to express his opinions of Avery, which frankly, Ginny agreed with. 

Eventually, Pansy’s cries quieted, and Ginny let go of her.

“Will you take me back to Slytherin,” she pleaded, looking at both of them to make it clear Ginny was included as well. She reached out to take each of their hands in hers, needing the support until she could get somewhere she felt safer. Ginny found that she couldn’t refuse, regardless of her unpleasant history with the two teenagers. “I just want to lie down,” she said.

“Need me to fill Blaise in, or even toss him out for the night?”

“Please, it’s Friday night. If he’s not with Harper, he’s with some other bloke,” Pansy replied.

Ginny stared at them in confusion. “Steady on, you and Zabini are roommates? In Gryffindor Tower, the boys aren’t even allowed into the girls’ side of the dorms.”

Seizing the opportunity to distract Pansy with conversation while they walked, Draco explained how Slytherin’s bedrooms were a mix of doubles and singles. The students were left to decide rooming arrangements on their own. As Head of House, Snape had designed an enchanted parchment where the students would record their housing assignments on the first day of the year--couples could only room together once both were of age, and the parchment wouldn’t accept roommate submissions if at least one of the two parties had romantic feelings for the other. Otherwise, students could room together regardless of age or gender. It saved Snape the trouble of having to personally know any intimate details about his Slytherins’ lives. 

Draco muttered a few words that Ginny couldn’t make out, and they entered the Slytherin common room. The handful of students already there sent them suspicious looks, but seemed to soften after they saw how distressed Pansy looked. Still holding Pansy’s hand, he steered them across the room to a back hallway. 

“This is our area. Daph and Theo are on the left, and then Tracey and I took the singles on the right. Astoria has the double next to mine; we replaced the wall between them with a sliding door so the House rules are satisfied. We made the other half of hers into a sitting room which I can neither confirm nor deny that we smoke in. A habit that some of us picked up from Gryffindors, may I remind you,” he said.

“What can I say, I’m a trendsetter,” Ginny responded smugly.

“More like attempting to compensate for your fashion choices, I’d argue.” Ginny sent him a two-fingered salute, which he ignored. “Right, here we are,” Draco said, opening the door to Blaise and Pansy’s room.

Blaise’s side of the room was adorned with posters of various wizard and Muggle bands, while Pansy had a large noticeboard with cutouts from fashion magazines, photographs, and other snippets pinned to it. 

Pansy curled up on her bed, and Ginny sat near her, propped against the wall. Draco was lost in thought for a few seconds, then turned to his friend.

“Is it still in the top drawer?”

She shot him a glare, then relented and nodded. 

“Laugh and I’ll hex you,” she warned Ginny. A moment later, Draco turned around holding a stuffed unicorn and Ginny had to clench her teeth to prevent a reaction. A year ago, she would have hung this over the Slytherin girl’s head for ages, but not anymore. Once the surprise wore off, it just made her sad, thinking of how so many of their peers had been so innocent when they first arrived at the castle compared to now.

“I had a stuffed Kneazle; I think my mum still has it somewhere,” she said. “Called it Nigel. No idea why,” she said. 

“I was raised with the attitude that soft toys would promote weakness. Astoria, though, she still has a bunny called Aster but you didn’t hear it from me,” Draco offered.

“I never gave it a name,” Pansy said softly, holding the slightly tattered unicorn close to her. “I took it everywhere with me for a long time after my mum died.”

Draco eased onto the bed to lie next to Pansy, enveloping her in his arms.

“It was an arranged marriage, you know. But unlike your parents, the match was a disaster from the start,” she said to him.

Ginny flinched.

“Fuck,” Pansy said quickly. “Sorry, shouldn’t have brought that up.”

“I’m all for conversing about anything besides Lucius,” Draco said. A pause. “How about those Chudley Cannons?” he asked dryly, causing Ginny to snort with laughter. 

“That’s Ron’s team, not mine. I support the Harpies, a team actually acquainted with winning,” she said.

“An all-female team demolishing the testosterone-fueled competition? I can get around that,” remarked Pansy. 

Ginny smiled shyly. “Actually, I have a tryout with them next weekend. Haven’t told anyone yet; don’t want to get my hopes up.”

“They’d be foolish not to take you; I’ve seen you fly,” Draco said. 

“As long as they don’t find me too emotionally damaged to work with,” she said in a sardonic tone, attempting to hide the real fear in her voice.

“I think we’ve got you beat in that department,” said Pansy.

Ginny looked at them. “Have you seriously forgotten the whole ‘possessed by the Heir of Slytherin’ thing? I wrote in that diary every day. Before he took control, made me do all those horrible things, I _liked_ him. _Him,_ ” she said, tears threatening to spill.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Pansy whispered, her own eyes glassy. “It’s-it’s these _monsters_ who treat other people as playthings, who take what they want and don’t care about the pain they inflict upon the way.”

“I know I said I didn’t want to talk about him, but I have to say that my father’s to blame, too, for giving you that fucking thing in the first place,” said Draco. “Salazar, you were _eleven_...I didn’t know he gave it to you, by the way. I acted like I had all this information about the Chamber of Secrets, but really I knew fuck all.” 

“I keep asking myself why I didn’t tell any of my brothers. Reckon I just thought they wouldn’t understand. Sometimes it was hard not only being the youngest, but the only girl. It could get really lonely.”

“I wasn’t supposed to be an only child,” Draco said, causing Pansy to look over at him in surprise. “I was going to have a little sister. One day I woke up to Mother’s screaming. They never spoke about Artemis again. I don’t think they ever tried for another child after that.”

Ginny stared at him, mouth agape. “Merlin, that explains so much.” She laid down on Pansy’s other side. “Maybe he did it subconsciously, but I think that’s part of why he hates my Mum and Dad so much, and why he picked me. Don’t you see? It took them long enough, and I mean, they love my brothers--but my parents finally got their girl.” 

“Fuck, my father’s envy knows no bounds,” Draco responded. “It’s not much, but I’m sorry you were caught in the crosscurses.”

“Honestly, all you can do is just not become like him. And you _are_ different, but I still find you annoying. Frequently,” she added, making Pansy giggle a little.

The three then began a much lighter conversation, the kind that normal teenagers should be having on a Friday night. Ginny felt so relaxed and comfortable despite the fact that before this year she would have wanted to be anywhere in the castle besides a bedroom in the Slytherin dorms.

“Shit!” she exclaimed after a quick look at her watch. “I have to go. My shift starts in five minutes.” One of the downsides of being Head Girl was that she had to cover the less-desirable patrols when another prefect was unable to make them. It wasn’t like anyone else was stepping up for the ten p.m. Friday shift. 

After forcing herself to get up from Pansy’s bed, Ginny re-did her red and gold tie and slipped her shoes back on. 

“This was...surprisingly alright,” she said.

“We should bond about our various traumas more often, I agree,” replied Pansy with a self-deprecating smirk.

“Why not,” said Draco, on the verge of falling asleep.

As Ginny left, quietly closing the door behind her, Pansy felt drowsy as well. She knew she looked a pitiful sight, mascara trails on her face and clinging to her worn childhood toy. In the morning, she would send an owl back with her agreement to testify. She would do what it took to get justice. But for now, she was among friends. She was safe. 


End file.
